You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
