everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
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She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
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