there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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