Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When are your genitals available?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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