SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
