Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
