Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
