I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
