I just made out with a guy for $7.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
