I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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