no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
