I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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