I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
