His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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