Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
