just tell him i said nine months
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Vodka?
Forever.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
