I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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