Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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