So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
