I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
