I just made out with a guy for $7.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
