dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
