How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize