I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
