Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
