You made me cry and you don't even care
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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