Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
