Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
