Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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