I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
