living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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