you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
