can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
