and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
