Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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