We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
