Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
