Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
