Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
