My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
