problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
