jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You pole danced in your parka.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
