alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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