you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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