I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
