i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
