Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
