I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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