i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
