I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
