I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
