im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
