remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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