There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
