Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
